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  THE ASS-DEALER.

  This way rather, for me to pay you in the presence of your master, Demænetus.

  LIBANUS

  My master knows him, and he my master.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  In his master’s presence, I’ll pay him.

  LIBANUS

  At my peril, so you only pay him, I’ll engage the matter’s safe. For if our old gentleman were to know that confidence wasn’t placed in him, to whom he himself always entrusts the management of all matters, he would be angry.

  LEONIDA

  I don’t much care; don’t let him not pay it, if he don’t like; so let him stand here.

  LIBANUS

  Give it him, I say. Oh dear, I’m sadly afraid that he’ll be thinking that I’ve persuaded you not to trust him; prithee, do give it and don’t be afraid. Upon my word, it will be safe.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  I think it will be — so long, indeed, as I myself keep it in my hand. I’m a stranger; I don’t know Saurea.

  LIBANUS

  Well, know him now then.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  It may be he, it may not be he; i’ faith, I know not; if it’s he, why then it must be he. I know for sure that I shall give this up to no person that I don’t know.

  LEONIDA

  aside . Troth now, may all the Gods confound the fellow. Aloud to LIBANUS. Take care you don’t entreat him with a word. He’s arrogant, because he’s fingering my twenty minæ. No one will take it. To the ASS-DEALER. Take yourself off home, be off from here, and don’t be troublesome.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  You are in too angry mood: it isn’t right for a person who is a slave to give himself airs.

  LIBANUS

  By my faith, to your own great misfortune now are you talking uncivilly to him. Dirty, worthless fellow, don’t you see he’s angry?

  LEONIDA

  to the ASS-DEALER . Be off then.

  LIBANUS

  to the ASS-DEALER . Scoundrelly fellow. Aside to him. Prithee, do give him the money lest he should abuse you.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  On my word, you are seeking evil for yourselves.

  LEONIDA

  to LIBANUS . By the powers, your legs shall be broken, if you don’t proclaim this shameless fellow.

  LIBANUS

  Troth, I’m undone. Be off, you shameless fellow.

  LEONIDA

  You rascal.

  LIBANUS

  to the ASS-DEALER . Won’t you venture to assist me, you rascal?

  LEONIDA

  Do you persist in soliciting the scamp?

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  How’s this? To LEONIDA. Do you, rascal, who are a slave, speak abusively to a free man?

  LEONIDA

  Give him a beating.

  ASS-D.

  By my faith, that surely shall befall yourself to get a beating as soon as ever I shall see Demænetus this day. I summon you to judgments.

  LEONIDA

  I shan’t go.

  ASS-D.

  You won’t go? Remember ——

  LEONIDA

  I do remember.

  ASS-D.

  I’ faith, I’ll have satisfaction out of your back.

  LEONIDA

  Woe unto you? What, villain — satisfaction to be given by us to you indeed?

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  Aye, and even this very day satisfaction shall be given me for your abusive language.

  LEONIDA

  How now, whip-knave? How say you, hang-dog? Do you suppose that we shall run away from our master? Go this instant then to our master, where you were citing us just now, and where you were wishing to go.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  What, now at last? Still, you shall never get a coin of money away from me, unless Demænetus shall order me to give it.

  LEONIDA

  Do so. Come, move on then. Are you to offer insults to another person, and are they not to be repeated to yourself? I’m a man as much as you are.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  No doubt such is the fact.

  LEONIDA

  Follow me this way, then. With your good leave I would now say this: not a person has ever accused me by reason of my deserving it, nor is there in Athens one other individual, this day, whom they would think they could as safely trust.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  Perhaps so: but still, you shall never this day persuade me to entrust to you, whom I don’t know, this money A man to a man is a wolf, not a man, when the other doesn’t know of what character he is.

  LEONIDA

  Now at last you are appeasing me: I was sure that this day you would give satisfaction to this poor head of mine; although I’m in mean garb, still, I’m well to do, nor can an estimate of my means be formed from it.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  Perhaps so.

  LEONIDA

  Still more then I tell you: Periphanes, a merchant of Rhodes, a rich man, in the absence of my master, himself alone paid over to me, in private, a talent of silver, and trusted me, nor was he deceived in it.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  Perhaps so.

  LEONIDA

  And you, too, yourself, as well, if you had enquired about me of other people, would, i’ faith, I’m quite sure, have entrusted to me what you now have with you.

  THE ASS-DEALER.

  I don’t deny it. (Exeunt.)

  ACT III.

  Enter CLEÆRETA and PHEILENIUM, from the house of the former.

  CLEAERETA

  And am I unable to render you obedient to my injunctions? Or are you so disposed as to be free from the control of your mother?

  PHILENIUM

  How could I propitiate Piety, if I could desire to please you, being endowed with these manners, after the fashion, mother, that you enjoin upon me?

  CLEAERETA

  Is it consistent with propriety for you to oppose my precepts?

  PHILENIUM

  How so?

  CLEAERETA

  Is this worshipping Piety, to lessen the authority of a mother?

  PHILENIUM

  Those who act right I blame not, nor do I love those who do wrong.

  CLEAERETA

  You are a very prating, lovesick girl.

  PHILENIUM

  Mother, that is my living. His tongue woos me, his person seeks me, his passion pleads, opportunity prompts.

  CLEAERETA

  I was purposing to convince you. Are you come as my accuser?

  PHILENIUM

  By my troth, I neither do accuse you, nor do I think it right I should do so; but I do complain of my lot, when I am separated from him whom I love.

  CLEAERETA

  Will then one bit of the whole day’s talk be left for myself?

  PHILENIUM

  Both my share of the speaking and your own do I give up to you. Do you yourself keep the signal both for speaking and for being silent. But, i’ faith, if I only put up my oars in the boat-house while I’m resting, all the welfare of the household is at a standstill for you.

  CLEAERETA

  How say you, the out and out most insolent woman that ever I saw? How often have I forbidden you to speak to Argyrippus, the son of Demænetus, or to touch him, or to hold discourse with him, or to look at him? What has he ever given? What has he ordered to be brought to our house? Or do you fancy to yourself that smooth words are gold? — that clever speeches are as good as presents? Of your own accord you fell in love with him; of your own accord you go after him; of your own accord you request him to be sent for to you. Those who are givers, those same you laugh at; those who are cheating us, you are dying for. If any one promises you that he’ll make you rich when his mother dies, ought you to be waiting for that? I’ faith, a great risk impends over ourselves and the household, that we may die of hunger while we are awaiting her death. Now therefore, unless he brings me here twenty minæ of silver, upon my word, though profuse of his tears, he shall certainly be turned from here out
of doors. This day’s the end of excuses for poverty at my house.

  PHILENIUM

  If, my mother, you were to order me to go without victuals, I would submit.

  CLEAERETA

  I don’t forbid you to love those who give that for the sake of which they ought to be loved.

  PHILENIUM

  What, mother, if this inclination of mine is fixed? What am I to do? Tell me.

  CLEAERETA

  Oh dear — look at my head, if, indeed, you consider your own interest.

  PHILENIUM

  Even the shepherd, mother, that feeds the sheep of another, has a certain one of his own to be the consoler of his hopes. For the sake of my affection, do allow me to love Argyrippus only, who is my choice.

  CLEAERETA

  Go in-doors, for, upon my word, there is really nothing more impudent than yourself.

  PHILENIUM

  Mother, you have given birth to a daughter obedient to your commands. They go into the house.

  Enter LEONIDA and LIBANUS.

  LEONIDA

  Great praise and thanks we give deservedly to perfidy, when relying upon our tricks, our stratagems, and our devices, upon our confidence in our shoulder-blades and the hardihood resulting from the elm-twigs so oft applied, against the whips, the searing-irons, the crosses, and the fetters, the cords, the chains, the prisons, the stocks, the shackles, the collars, and taskmasters most cruel and well acquainted with our backs, who many a time before have imprinted scars upon our shoulder-blades; by conquering, now, these legions, troops and armies of thieves, by our prowess, through our perjuries, O brave, have we gained the victory. This, through the valour of this comrade of mine, and through my own courtesy, has been brought about.

  LIBANUS

  What man is there more firm than myself at enduring stripes?

  LEONIDA

  By the powers, you who can extol your exploits now, as I can do exploits, which in peace and in warfare you have so —— villanously performed; verily, in troth, many in number may they be now recounted according to your deserts; where you have defrauded him that trusted you, where you have proved faithless to your master, where knowingly and wilfully you have on solemn oath been perjured, where you have bored through party walls, where you have been detected in theft, where you have full oft pleaded your cause, as you hung up, against eight clever, hardened fellows, sturdy stripers.

  LIBANUS

  Certainly I do admit, Leonida, that it is true as you say. But verily, in troth, your many misdeeds, too, may be recounted as well and truly; where wilfully you have proved faithless to the trusting, where you have been detected in theft and scourged in public, where you have proved forsworn, where you have laid hands on sacred things, where to your masters you have full oft proved a loss, a trouble, and a disgrace, where you have stoutly denied that that was given to you which had been entrusted to you, where you have proved more faithful to your wench than to your friend, where through your hardihood you have frequently reduced to weariness eight sturdy lictors, armed with pliant twigs of elm. To the AUDIENCE. Is the compliment ill repaid in the way that I’ve praised my comrade?

  LEONIDA

  Just as befits both me and yourself, and our dispositions.

  LIBANUS

  Now drop this, and answer me this that I ask.

  LEONIDA

  Enquire of me what you please.

  LIBANUS

  Have you got the twenty silver minæ?

  LEONIDA

  Guess —— Upon my word, the old gentleman Demænetus, has been very obliging to us. How cleverly he pretended that I was Saurea. With the greatest difficulty did I withhold my laughter, when he rebuked the stranger, because in his absence he had been unwilling to put confidence in me; and with what readiness did he call me Saurea the chamberlain.

  LIBANUS

  Stop a moment.

  LEONIDA

  What’s the matter?

  LIBANUS

  Isn’t this Philenium that’s coming from in-doors, and Argyrippus with her.

  LEONIDA

  Keep silence, ’tis he; let’s listen quietly to them. In tears, she holds him, weeping, by the lappet of his garment; what, I wonder, am I to say is the matter?

  LIBANUS

  Let’s listen in silence.

  LEONIDA

  Dear me, a thought, I’ faith, has just come into my mind; I very much wish I had a long stick here.

  LIBANUS

  For what reason?

  LEONIDA

  With which to beat these asses, if perchance they should begin to bray out here, from within the bag. They stand apart.

  Enter ARGYRIPPUS from the house of CLEÆRETA, followed by PHILENIUM.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  Why are you holding me back?

  PHILENIUM

  Because, as I love you, I cannot bear your departing.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  Farewell.

  PHILENIUM

  I should fare somewhat better, if you were to remain here.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  Blessings on you.

  PHILENIUM

  Do you wish for blessings on me, to whom you are bringing disease by your departure?

  ARGYRIPPUS

  Your mother has bid me the last farewell; she has requested me to go home.

  PHILENIUM

  A bitter death will she cause her daughter, if I must part from you.

  LIBANUS

  apart, to LEONIDA . Troth now, the man has been turned out of doors there.

  LEONIDA

  apart . Such is the fact. ARG. Prithee, do let me go.

  PHILENIUM

  Whither are you going now? Why don’t you stay here?

  ARGYRIPPUS

  This night, if you choose, I’ll stay.

  LIBANUS

  apart . Don’t you hear him? How profuse he is of his attentions by night. But now, in the daytime, he’s engaged; surely he’s a Solon to write laws whereby the public may regulate itself. Psha! those who would be in readiness for themselves to pay obedience to his laws, would decidedly never do any good; they would be drinking night and day.

  LEONIDA

  . apart . Troth now, for sure, he wouldn’t budge a foot from her if she would let him, who is now in such haste, and is threatening that he’s going away from her.

  LIBANUS

  apart . Now make an end of your talk, that I may catch his discourse.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  Farewell!

  PHILENIUM

  Whither are you hastening?

  ARGYRIPPUS

  Kindly fare you well! I shall see you in the other world. For indeed now, so soon as I can, I shall sever myself from life.

  PHILENIUM

  Prithee, why, while I do not deserve it, do you wish to consign me to death?

  ARGYRIPPUS

  I — you? whom, if I were to hear that you were in want of life, at once would I present you my own life, and from my own would add to yours.

  PHILENIUM

  Why, then, do you threaten that you will quit life? For what do you suppose that I shall do, if you do that which you are talking of? I’m determined to do everything exactly the same to myself that you do to yourself.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  O! sweeter than honey are you to me.

  PHILENIUM

  And surely you are my life. Embrace me.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  I do so with pleasure. They embrace.

  PHILENIUM

  Would that thus we might be carried to the tomb.

  LEONIDA

  apart . O Libanus, how wretched is the man that loves.

  LIBANUS

  apart . Aye, but surely, faith, the man that’s hanging up is much more wretched.

  LEONIDA

  apart . I know that, who have had experience of it. Let’s go round them: let’s accost them, one on the one side, one on the other. One walks towards them from each side.

  LIBANUS

  Health to you, master. But is this female,
smoke, that you are embracing?

  ARGYRIPPUS

  Why so?

  LIBANUS

  Because your eyes are filled with tears; ’twas for that reason I asked.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  One who would have been a protector to you, you have lost.

  LIBANUS

  I’ faith, I surely haven’t lost one; for this reason, be cause I never had one.

  LEONIDA

  Health to you, Philenium.

  PHILENIUM

  What you desire, the Gods will give you.

  LIBANUS

  I could desire your favours, and a cask of wine, if wishes were to come to pass.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  Whip-knave, beware how you speak a word.

  LIBANUS

  Why, ’tis for you, not for myself, I wish it.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  For that reason, then, say on what you please.

  LIBANUS

  pointing to LEONIDA . Troth, I’d like to give him a beating.

  LEONIDA

  Who, pray, would allow you to do so, you frizzle- pated mountebank? Could you thrash me, you, who reckon as your daily food your own thrashings?

  >ARG.

  How far superior, Libanus, are your lots to my own, who never will live this day until the evening.

  LIBANUS

  For what reason, prithee?

  ARGYRIPPUS

  pointing to PHILENIUM . Because I’m in love with her, and she’s in love with me, and nowhere have I anything to bestow upon her; for that reason has her mother expelled me with all my affection from her house. The twenty minæ of silver have brought me to my end, which the young man, Diabolus, declared that he would give her this day, in order that she mightn’t send her anywhere, for this whole year, except to himself. Don’t you see of what force are twenty minæ of silver, or what they can effect? The man who parts with them is happy; I, who part not with them, am undone.

  LIBANUS

  Has he already paid the money?

  ARGYRIPPUS

  He hasn’t paid it.

  LIBANUS

  Be of good courage; don’t be afraid.

  LEONIDA

  to LIBANUS . Step this way, Libanus, I want you.

  LIBANUS

  Certainly, if you want anything. Steps aside, putting his hand on the shoulder of LEONIDA.

  ARGYRIPPUS

  I entreat of you, is it more pleasant in this same matter for you to discourse hugging one another?

  LIBANUS

  Understand, master, that all things are not equally sweet to all persons. ’Tis pleasant for you lovers to converse, hugging one another; I care nothing for his hugging pointing to LEONIDA , and pointing to PHILENIUM she despises mine. Do you then yourself do that which you would be suggesting to us to do.