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On the contrary, no other besides myself; and, in fact, do you, Blepharo, be the judge.

  BLEPHARO

  I’ll make this matter clear by proofs, if I can. To AMPHITRYON. Do you answer first.

  AMPH.

  With pleasure.

  BLEPHARO

  Before the battle with the Taphians was begun by you, what orders did you give me?

  AMPH.

  The ship being in readiness, for you carefully to keep close to the rudder.

  JUPITER

  That if our people should take to flight, I might betake myself in safety thither.

  BLEPHARO

  Anything else as well?

  AMPH.

  That the bag loaded with treasure should be carefully guarded.

  JUPITER

  Because the money ——

  BLEPHARO

  Hold your tongue, you, if you please; it’s my place to ask. Did you know the amount?

  JUPITER

  Fifty Attic talents.

  BLEPHARO

  He tells the truth to a nicety. And you to AMPHITRYON , how many Philippeans?

  AMPH.

  Two thousand.

  JUPITER

  And obols twice as many.

  BLEPHARO

  Each of you states the matter correctly. Inside the bag one of you must have been shut up.

  JUPITER

  Attend, please. With this right hand, as you know, I slew king Pterelas; his spoils I seized, and the goblet from which he had been used to drink I brought away in a casket; I made a present of it to my wife, with whom this day at home I bathed, I sacrificed, and slept.

  AMPH.

  Ah me! what do I hear? I scarcely am myself. For, awake, I am asleep; awake, I am in a dream; alive and well, I come to destruction. I am that same Amphitryon, the descendant of Gorgophone, the general of the Thebans, and the sole combatant for Creon against the Teleboans; I, who have subdued by my might the Acarnanians and the Taphians, and, by my consummate warlike prowess, their king. Over these have I appointed Cephalus, the son of the great Deioneus.

  JUPITER

  I am he who by warfare and my valour crushed the hostile ravagers. They had destroyed Electryon and the brothers of my wife. Wandering through the Ionian, the Ægean, and the Cretan seas, with piratical violence they laid waste Achaia, Ætolia, and Phocis.

  AMPH.

  Immortal Gods! I cannot trust my own self, so exactly does he relate all the things that happened there. Consider, Blepharo.

  BLEPHARO

  One thing only remains; if so it is, do you be Amphitryons both of you.

  JUPITER

  I knew what you would say. The scar that I have on the muscle of my right arm, from the wound which Pterelas gave me ——

  BLEPHARO

  Well, that.

  AMPH.

  Quite to the purpose.

  JUPITER

  See you! look, behold!

  BLEPHARO

  Uncover, and I’ll look.

  JUPITER

  We have uncovered. Look! They show their naked arms.

  BLEPHARO

  looking at the right arm of each . Supreme Jupiter, what do I behold? On the right-arm muscle of each, in the same spot, the scar clearly appears with the same mark, reddish and somewhat livid, just as it has first commenced to close. Reasoning is at a standstill, all judgment is struck dumb; I don’t know what to do

  BLEPHARO

  Do you settle these matters between yourselves; I’m off, for I have business; and I do not think that I have ever anywhere beheld such extraordinary wonders.

  AMPH.

  Blepharo, I pray that you’ll stay as my advocate, and not go away.

  BLEPHARO

  Farewell. What need is there of me for an advocate, who don’t know which of the two to side with?

  JUPITER

  I’m going hence in-doors: Alcmena is in labour. Exit BLEPHARO, and JUPITER goes into AMPHITRYON’S house.

  AMPH.

  aloud to himself . I’m undone, wretch that I am; for what am I to do, when my advocates and friends are now forsaking me? Never, by heavens, shall he deride me unrevenged, whoever he is. Now will I betake myself straight to the king, and tell him of the matter as it has happened. By my faith, I will this day take vengeance on this Thessalian sorcerer, who has wrongfully distracted the minds of my household. But where is he? Looking around. By my troth, he’s off into the house, to my wife, I suppose. What other person lives in Thebes more wretched than myself? What now shall I do? I, whom all men deny and deride just as they please. I am resolved; I’ll burst into the house; there, whatever person I perceive, whether maid-servant or man-servant, whether wife or whether paramour, whether father or whether grandfather, I’ll behead that person in the house; neither Jupiter nor all the Deities shall hinder me from this, even if they would, but that I’ll do just as I have resolved. As he advances to the door, it thunders, and he falls in a swoon upon the ground.

  ACT V.

  Enter BROMIA, from the house, AMPHITRYON lying on the ground.

  BROMIA

  to herself . The hopes and resources of my life lie buried in my breast, nor is there any boldness in my heart, but what I have lost it. So much to me do all things seem, the sea, the earth, the heavens, to be conspiring, that now I may be crushed, that I may be destroyed. Ah, wretched me! I know not what to do. Prodigies so great have come to pass within the house. Ah! woe is me! I’m sick at heart, some water I could wish! I’m overpowered and I’m utterly undone. My head is aching, and I cannot hear, nor do I see well with my eyes No woman is there more wretched than myself, nor can one seem to be more so. Thus has it this day befallen my mistress; for when she invoked for herself the Deities of travail, what rumblings and grumblings, crashes and flashes; suddenly, how instantaneously did it thunder, and how woundy loud. On the spot where each one stood, at the peal he fell; then some one, I know not who, exclaimed in a mighty voice, “Alcmena, succour is at hand, fear not: propitious both to thee and thine, the Ruler of the Heavens comes. Arise,” it said, “ye who have fallen down in your terror through dread of me.” As I lay, I arose; I fancied that the house was in flames. Then Alcmena called me; and then did that circumstance strike me with horror. Fears for my mistress took possession of me; I ran to her to enquire what she wanted; and then I beheld that she had given birth to two male children; not yet did any one of us perceive when she was delivered, or indeed expect it. Sees AMPHITRYON. But what’s this? Who’s this old man that’s lying thus before our house? Has Jupiter then smitten him with his thunders? By my troth, I think so; for, oh Jupiter! he is in a lethargy just like one dead. I’ll approach, that I may learn who it is. She advances. Surely, this is my master Amphitryon. Calls aloud. Ho! Amphitryon!

  AMPH.

  I’m dead.

  BROMIA

  Arise.

  AMPH.

  I’m slain outright.

  BROMIA

  Give me your hand. Takes his hand.

  AMPH.

  recovering . Who is it that has hold of me?

  BROMIA

  Bromia, your maid-servant.

  AMPH.

  rising . I tremble all over, to such a degree has Jove pealed against me. And no otherwise is it than if I had come hither from Acheron. But why have you come out of the house?

  BROMIA

  The same alarm has scared ourselves, affrighted with horror; in the house where you yourself dwell, have I seen astounding prodigies. Woe to me, Amphitryon; even now do my senses fail me to such a degree.

  AMPH.

  Come now, tell me; do you know me to be your master Amphitryon?

  BROMIA

  I do know it.

  AMPH.

  Look even once again.

  BROMIA

  I do know it.

  AMPH.

  She alone of all my household has a sane mind.

  BROMIA

  Nay but, really, they are all of them sane.

  AMPH.

  But my wife caus
es me to be insane by her own shameful practices.

  BROMIA

  But I’ll make you, Amphitryon, to be holding other language; that you may understand that your wife is dutiful and chaste, upon that subject I will in a few words discover some tokens and some proofs. In the first place of all, Alcmena has given birth to two sons.

  AMPH.

  Two, say you?

  BROMIA

  Two.

  AMPH.

  The Gods preserve me!

  BROMIA

  Allow me to speak, that you may know that all the Deities are propitious to yourself and to your wife.

  AMPH.

  Say on.

  BROMIA

  After that, this day, your wife began to be in labour, when the pangs of childbirth came on, as is the custom with women in travail, she invoked the immortal Gods to give her aid, with washed hands and with covered head. Then forthwith it thundered with most tremendous crash. At first we thought that your house was falling; all your house shone bright, as though it had been made of gold.

  AMPH.

  Prithee, relieve me quickly from this, since you have kept me long enough in suspense. What happened then?

  BROMIA

  While these things were passing, meanwhile, not one of us heard your wife groaning or complaining; and thus, in fact, without pain was she delivered.

  AMPH.

  Then do I rejoice at this, whatever she has merited at my hands.

  BROMIA

  Leave that alone, and hear these things which I shall tell you. After she was delivered, she bade us wash the babes; we commenced to do so. But that child which I washed, how stout, how very powerful he is; and not a person was there, able to wrap him in the swaddling-clothes.

  AMPH.

  Most wondrous things you tell of. If these things are true, I do not apprehend but that succour has been brought to my wife from heaven.

  BROMIA

  Now shall I make you own to things more wondrous still. After he was laid in the cradle, two immense crested serpents glided down through the skylight; instantly they both reared their heads.

  AMPH.

  Ah me!

  BROMIA

  Be not dismayed — but the serpents began to gaze upon all around. After they beheld the children, quickly they made towards the cradle; I, fearing for the children, alarmed for myself, going backwards, began to draw and pull the cradle to and fro, and so much the more fiercely did the serpents pursue. After that one of the children caught sight of the serpents, he quickly leapt from the cradle, straightway he made an attack upon them, ana suddenly he grasped them, one in each hand.

  AMPH.

  You tell of wondrous things; a very fearful exploit do you relate; for at your words horror steals upon the limbs of wretched me. What happened then? Say on.

  BBOM.

  The child slew both the serpents. While these things are passing, in a loud voice there calls upon your wife ——

  AMPH.

  What person —— ?

  BROMIA

  Jupiter, the supreme Ruler of Gods and men. He said that he had secretly enjoyed Alcmena in his embraces, and that he was his own son who had overcome those serpents; the other, he said, was your child.

  AMPH.

  By my troth, I am not sorry if I am allowed to take my half of a blessing in partnership with Jupiter. Go home, and bid the sacred vessels to be at once prepared for me, that with many victims I may seek my peace with supreme Jove. I will apply to Tiresias the soothsayer, and consult him what he considers ought to be done; at the same time I’ll relate to him this matter just as it has happened. It thunders. But what means this? How dreadfully it thunders! Ye Gods, your mercy, I do entreat.

  JUPITER appears, in his own character, above.

  JUPITER

  Be of good cheer, Amphitryon; I am come to thy aid: thou hast nothing to fear; all diviners and soothsayers let alone. What is to be, and what has past, I will tell thee; and so much better than they can, inasmuch as I am Jupiter. First of all, I have made loan of the person of Alcmena, and have caused her to be pregnant with a son. Thou, too, didst cause her to be pregnant, when thou didst set out upon the expedition; at one birth has she brought forth the two together. One of these, the one that is sprung from my parentage, shall bless thee with deathless glory by his deeds. Do thou return with Alcmena to your former affection; she merits not that thou shouldst impute it to her as her blame; by my power has she been compelled thus to act. I now return to the heavens. He ascends.

  AMPH.

  I’ll do as thou dost command me; and I entreat thee to keep thy promises. I’ll go in-doors to my wife. I dismiss the aged Tiresias from my thoughts.

  An ACTOR.

  Spectators, now, for the sake of supreme Jove, give loud applause.

  ASINARIA

  Translated by Henry Thomas Riley

  The title of this comic drama can be translated as ‘The One with the Asses’ and is famous for containing the lines “Lupus est homo homini, non homo, quom qualis sit non novit,” (A man is a wolf rather than a man to another man, when he hasn’t yet found out what he’s like) and the quotation “Facias ipse quod faciamus nobis suades,” (Practice yourself what you preach).

  The action takes place in Athens, near the homes of the old man Demaenetus and the procuress Cleareta. Demaenetus is submissive to his wife Artemona, but wishes to help his son Argyrippus gain money to free his lover, the hetaera (courtesan) Philenium, who works for Cleareta. Demaenetus conspires with his slaves Libanus and Leonida to cheat his wealthy wife of the money. The play belongs to the genre fabula palliate – a Greek play adapted for a Roman audience.

  This painting, on the inside of a kylix, depicts a hetaira playing kottabos, a drinking game played at a symposia, in which the participants flicked the dregs of their wine at a target.

  CONTENTS

  THE SUBJECT

  THE PROLOGUE.

  ACT I.

  ACT II.

  ACT III.

  ACT IV.

  ACT V.

  THE SUBJECT

  ARGYRIPPUS,

  the son of Demænetus, is violently in love with Philenium, a young woman, who is living with her mother, Cleæreta, a procuress. The latter has made an agreement with a Captain, of the name of Diabolus, to transfer Philenium to him for twenty minæ, on condition, however, that if Argyrippus shall first pay that sum, he shall have her. Argyrippus, having exhausted all his own resources, applies to his father, Demænetus, an over-indulgent and immoral old man, and requests him to furnish him with twenty minæ. Demænetus is married to Artemona, a rich woman, and is totally dependant on the will of herself and her favourite slave, the chamberlain Saurea. Being destitute of money, Demænetus orders his servant, Libanus, by some means or other to cheat his mistress or the chamberlain out of that sum. Just then an ass-dealer arrives, to pay to Saurea twenty minæ, the price of some asses which he has previously purchased. Libanus then arranges with his fellow-servant, Leonida, that the latter shall personate Saurea, and so receive the money from the ass-dealer. This is done, and the money is paid to Leonida, in the presence of Demænetus, who assures the dealer that Leonida really is the person to whom the money is payable. This sum is then given to Argyrippus, but with the disgraceful stipulation that for one day his father shall enjoy the company of Philenium. This he submits to, and the three sit down to a banquet. The Captain discovers this, and sends his Parasite to inform Artemona of her husband’s conduct. She accordingly accompanies the Parasite, and discovers her husband in the company of his son and the young woman; after soundly rating him, she leads him off; while Argyrippus remains in possession of Philenium.

  THE PROLOGUE.

  PROLOGUS

  Attend now, Spectators, if you please, forthwith to this, and may this matter turn out fortunately for me and for yourselves, and for this company, and for our employers, and for our managers. Now, crier, do you at once make all the people give. attentive ear. Come, be seated now, only be careful that �
�tis not for nought. Now I will tell you why I have come forward here, and what my intention is, that you may know the name of this play. For, so far as relates to the plot, it really is a short one. Now I will tell you what I said I was wishful to inform you upon. The name of this play in Greek is Onagos — Demophilus composed it — MarcusPlautus turned it into Latin. He wishes it to be called Asinaria if by your leaves it may be so. In this play there is both pleasantry and fun. ’Tis a droll story; kindly lend me your attention; may Mars, too, as, full oft at other times he has done, so give you now his aid.

  ACT I.

  Enter DEMÆNETUS and LIBANUS, from the house of the former.

  LIBANUS

  As you desire your own only son to survive your own existence, prosperous, and living on; so by your lengthened years, and by that wife of yours of whom you stand in awe, do I conjure you, that if this day you have said anything that’s false against myself, your wife may then survive your own existence, and that, she living, you, still alive, may come to utter destruction.

  DEMAENETUS

  By the Gods above as to what you seek to know, I see that I must, perforce, speak out, whatever you question me upon, being thus conjured; so determinedly have you accosted me, that I really do not dare otherwise than to disclose everything to you making all these enquiries. Say then at once what it is that you desire so much to know; as I myself shall know, so will I let you know.

  LIBANUS

  Troth now, prithee answer me seriously what I ask you; take care that you tell me no falsehood.

  DEMAENETUS

  Why, then, don’t you ask?

  LIBANUS

  Will you, then, be sending me there, where stone grinds stone?

  DEMAENETUS

  What place is that? Or where in the world is that place?

  LIBANUS

  Where worthless men are weeping, who breakfast upon pearled barley.

  DEMAENETUS

  What that place is, or where it is, I cannot understand, where worthless men are weeping, who breakfast upon pearled barley.

  LIBANUS

  Why, in the islands of club-land and rattle- chains, where dead oxen attack living men.