Complete Works of Plautus Page 5

  That which is the truth.

  AMPH.

  But at your peril now, if it does not make its appearance.

  ALCMENA

  showing it . Why, it does make its appearance.

  AMPH.

  Who then gave it you?

  ALCMENA

  The person that’s asking me the question.

  SOSIA

  to AMPHITRYON . You are on the catch for me, inasmuch as you yourself have secretly run before me hither from the ship by another road, and have taken the goblet away from here and given it to her, and afterwards you have secretly sealed it up again.

  AMPH.

  Ah me! and are you too helping her frenzy as well? To ALCMENA Do you say that we arrived here yesterday?

  ALCMENA

  I do say so, and on your arrival you instantly greeted me, and I you, and I gave you a kiss.

  SOSIA

  aside . That beginning now about the kiss doesn’t please me.

  AMPH.

  Go on telling it.

  ALCMENA

  Then you bathed.

  AMPH.

  What, after I bathed?

  ALCMENA

  You took your place at table.

  SOSIA

  Bravo, capital! Now make further enquiry.

  AMPH.

  to SOSIA . Don’t you interrupt. To ALCMENA . Go on telling me.

  ALCMENA

  The dinner was served; you dined with me; I reclined together with you at the repast.

  AMPH.

  What, on the same couch?

  ALCMENA

  On the same.

  SOSIA

  Oh dear, I don’t like this banquet.

  AMPH.

  Now do let her give her proofs. To ALCMENA. What, after we had dined?

  ALCMENA

  You said that you were inclined to go to sleep; the table was removed; thence we went to bed.

  AMPH.

  Where did you lie?

  ALCMENA

  In the chamber, in the same bed together with your. self.

  AMPH.

  You have proved my undoing.

  SOSIA

  What’s the matter with you?

  AMPH.

  This very moment has she sent me to my grave.

  ALCMENA

  How so, pray?

  AMPH.

  Don’t address me.

  SOSIA

  What’s the matter with you?

  AMPH.

  To my sorrow I’m undone, since, in my absence from here, dishonor has befallen her chastity.

  ALCMENA

  In heaven’s name, my lord, why, I beseech you, do I hear this from you?

  AMPH.

  I, your lord? False one, don’t call me by a false name.

  SOSIA

  aside . ’Tis an odd matter this, if indeed he has been made into my lady from my lord.

  ALCMENA

  What have I done, by reason of which these expressions are uttered to me?

  AMPH.

  You yourself proclaim your own doings; do you enquire of me in what you have offended?

  ALCMENA

  In what have I offended you, if I have been with you to whom I am married?

  AMPH.

  You, been with me? What is there of greater effrontery than this impudent woman? At least, if you were wanting in modesty of your own, you might have borrowed it.

  ALCMENA

  That criminality which you lay to my charge befits not my family. If you try to catch me in incontinence, you cannot convict me.

  AMPH.

  Immortal Gods! do you at least know me, Sosia?

  SOSIA

  Pretty well.

  AMPH.

  Did I not dine yesterday on board ship in the Persian Port?

  ALCMENA

  I have witnesses as well, who can confirm that which I say.

  SOSIA

  I don’t know what to say to this matter, unless, perchance, there is another Amphitryon, who, perhaps, though you yourself are absent, takes care of your business, and who, in your absence, performs your duties here. For about that counterfeit Sosia it is very surprising. Certainly, about this Amphitryon, now, it is another matter still more surprising.

  AMPH.

  Some magician, I know not who, is bewildering this woman.

  ALCMENA

  By the realms of the supreme Sovereign I swear, and by Juno, the matron Goddess, whom for me to fear and venerate it is most especially fitting, that no mortal being except yourself alone has ever touched my person in contact with his so as to render me unchaste.

  AMPH.

  I could wish that that was true.

  ALCMENA

  I speak the truth, but in vain, since you will not believe me.

  AMPH.

  You are a woman; you swear at random.

  ALCMENA

  She who has not done wrong, her it befits to be bold and to speak confidently and positively in her own behalf.

  AMPH.

  That’s very boldly said.

  ALCMENA

  Just as befits a virtuous woman.

  AMPH.

  Say you so? By your own words you prove it.

  ALCMENA

  That which is called a dowry, I do not deem the same my dowry; but chastity, and modesty, and subdued desires, fear of the Gods, and love of my parents, and concord with my kindred; to be obedient to yourself and bounteous to the good, ready to aid the upright.

  SOSIA

  Surely, by my troth, if she tells the truth in this, she’s perfect to the very ideal.

  AMPH.

  Really I am so bewildered, that I don’t know myself who I am.

  SOSIA

  Surely you are Amphitryon; take you care, please, that you don’t peradventure lose yourself; people are changing in such a fashion since we came from abroad.

  AMPH.

  Madam, I’m resolved not to omit having this matter enquired into.

  ALCMENA

  I’ faith, you’ll do so quite to my satisfaction.

  AMPH.

  How say you? Answer me; what if I bring your own kinsman, Naucrates, hither from the ship, who, together with me, has been brought on board the same ship; and if he denies that that has happened which you say has happened, what is proper to be done to you? Do you allege any reason. why I should not at your cost dissolve this our marriage?

  ALCMENA

  If I have done wrong, there is no reason.

  AMPH.

  Agreed. Do you, Sosia, take these people in-doors. I’ll bring Naucrates hither with me from the ship. (Exit.)

  SOSIA

  going close to ALCMENA . Now then, there’s no one here except ourselves; tell me the truth seriously, is there any Sosia in-doors who is like myself?

  ALCMENA

  Won’t you hence away from me, fit servant for your master?

  SOSIA

  If you command me, I’m off, Goes into the house.

  ALCMENA

  to herself . By heavens, it is a very wondrous proceeding, how it has pleased this husband of mine thus to accuse me falsely of a crime so foul. Whatever it is, I shall now learn it from my kinsman Naucrates. Goes into the house.

  ACT III.

  Enter JUPITER.

  JUPITER

  I am that Amphitryon, whose servant Sosia is the same that becomes Mercury when there is occasion — I, who dwell in the highest story, who sometimes, when it pleases me, become Jupiter. But, hither soon as ever I turn my steps, I become Amphitryon that moment, and I change my garb. Now hither am I come for the sake of a compliment to you, that I may not leave this Comedy incomplete. I’ve come as well to bring assistance to Alcmena, whom, guiltless woman, her husband Amphitryon is accusing of dishonor, For what I myself have brought about, if that undeservedly should fall as an injury upon her in her innocence, it would be my blame. Now, as I have already begun, I’ll again pretend that I am Amphitryon, and this day will I introduce extreme confusion into this household. Then after
wards, at last, I’ll cause the matter to be disclosed, and to Alcmena timely aid will I bring, and will cause that at one birth she shall bring forth, without pangs, both the child with which she is pregnant by her husband and that with which she is pregnant by myself. I have ordered Mercury forthwith to follow me, if I should wish to give him any commands. Now will I accost her. He stands apart.

  Enter ALCMENA, from the house.

  ALCMENA

  I cannot remain in the house. That I should be thus accused by my husband of dishonor, incontinence, and disgrace! he cries aloud that things which have been done, have really not been done; and of things which have not been done, and of which I have not been guilty, he accuses me, and supposes that I shall treat it with indifference. By heavens, I will not do so, nor will I allow myself to be falsely charged with dishonor; but rather I’ll either leave him, or make him give satisfaction and swear as well that he wishes unsaid the things which he has alleged against me in my innocence.

  JUPITER

  apart . This must be done by me, which she requires to be done, if I wish for her to receive me into her company as loving her: since that which I have done, that same conduct has proved to the detriment of Amphitryon, and since my love has already created trouble for him who is really guiltless, why now his wrath and his resentment towards her shall fall on me that am not accused.

  ALCMENA

  And lo! I see him, who just now was accusing wretched me of incontinence and dishonor.

  JUPITER

  advancing . Wife, I would discourse with you. She turns from him. Why turn yourself away?

  ALCMENA

  Such is my disposition; I always hate to look upon my enemies.

  JUPITER

  Heyday! enemies indeed!

  ALCMENA

  It is so, I speak the truth; unless you are going to allege that this is falsely said as well.

  JUPITER

  offering to embrace her . You are too angry.

  ALCMENA

  repulsing him . Can’t you keep your hands off? For surely if you were wise, or quite in your senses, with her, whom you deem and pronounce to be unchaste, you would neither hold discourse, in mirth or in seriousness, unless, indeed, you are more foolish than the most foolish.

  JUPITER

  If I did say so, not a bit the more are you so, nor do I think you so, and therefore have I returned hither that I might excuse myself to you. For never has anything proved more grievous to my feelings than when I heard that you were angry with me. “Why did you charge me?” you will say. I’ll tell you; by my troth, not that I deemed you to be unchaste; but I was trying your feelings, what you would do, and in what manner you would bring yourself to bear it. Really, I said these things to you just now in jest, for the sake of the joke. Do but ask Sosia this.

  ALCMENA

  But why don’t you bring here my kinsman, Naucrates, whom you said just now that you would bring as a witness that you had not come here?

  JUPITER

  If anything was said in joke, it isn’t right for you to take it in earnest.

  ALCMENA

  I know how much this has pained me at heart.

  JUPITER

  Prithee, Alcmena taking her hand , by your right hand I do entreat you, grant me pardon; forgive me, don’t be angry.

  ALCMENA

  By my virtue have I rendered these accusations vain. Since then I eschew conduct that’s unchaste, I would wish to avoid imputations of unchastity. Fare you well, keep your own property to yourself, return me mine. Do you order any maids to be my attendants?

  JUPITER

  Are you in your senses?

  ALCMENA

  If you don’t order them, let me go alone; chastity shall I take as my attendant. Going.

  JUPITER

  Stay — at your desire, I’ll give my oath that I believe my wife to be chaste. If in that I deceive you, then, thee, supreme Jupiter, do I entreat that thou wilt ever be angered against Amphitryon.

  ALCMENA

  Oh! rather may he prove propitious.

  JUPITER

  I trust that it will be so; for before you have I taken a truthful oath. Now then, you are not angry?

  ALCMENA

  I am not.

  JUPITER

  You act properly. For in the life of mortals many things of this nature come to pass; and now they take their pleasures, again they meet with hardships. Quarrels intervene, again do they become reconciled. But it perchance any quarrels of this nature happen between them, when again they have become reconciled, twofold more loving are they between themselves than they were before.

  ALCMENA

  At the first you ought to have been careful not to say so; but if you excuse yourself to me for the same, it must be put up with.

  JUPITER

  But bid the sacred vessels to be got ready for me, that I may fulfil all those vows which I made when with the army, in case I should return safe home.

  ALCMENA

  I’ll take care of that.

  JUPITER

  To a SERVANT . Call out Sosia hither. Let him fetch Blepharo, the pilot that was on board my ship, to breakfast with us. Aside. He shall be fooled this day so as to go without his breakfast, while I shall drag Amphitryon hence by the throat.

  ALCMENA

  aside . It’s surprising what he can be arranging alone in secrecy with himself. But the door opens; Sosia’s coming out.

  Enter SOSIA, from the house

  SOSIA

  Amphitryon, I’m here; if any way you have need of me, command me; your commands I will obey.

  JUPITER

  Very opportunely are you come.

  SOSIA

  Has peace been made then between you two? But since I see you in good humour, I’m delighted, and it is a pleasure to myself. And so does it seem becoming for a trusty servant to conduct himself; just as his superiors are, so should he be likewise; by their countenances he should fashion his own countenance; if his superiors are grave, let him be grave; if they rejoice, let him be merry. But come, answer me; have you two now come to a reconciliation?

  JUPITER

  You are laughing at me, who know full well that these things were just now said by me in joke.

  SOSIA

  In joke did you say it? For my part, I supposed that it was said seriously and in truthfulness.

  JUPITER

  Still, I’ve made my excuses; and peace has been made.

  SOSIA

  ’Tis very good.

  JUPITER

  I shall now perform the sacrifice in-doors, and the vows which I have made.

  SOSIA

  So I suppose.

  JUPITER

  Do you invite hither, in my name, Blepharo, the pilot, from the ship, so that when the sacrifice has been performed, he may breakfast with me.

  SOSIA

  I shall be here again, while you’ll be thinking that I’m there.

  JUPITER

  Return here directly. Exit SOSIA.

  ALCMENA

  Do you wish for anything else, but that I should go in-doors now, that the things that are requisite may be got ready?

  JUPITER

  Go then, and take care that everything is prepared as soon as possible.

  ALCMENA

  Why, come in-doors whenever you please; I’ll take care that there shall not be any delay.

  JUPITER

  You say well, and just as befits an attentive wife. ALCMENA goes into the house. Now both of these, both servant and mistress, are, the pair of them, deceived, in taking me to be Amphitryon; egregiously do they err. Now, you immortal Sosia, take you care and be at hand for me. You hear what I say, although you are not present here. Take care that you contrive to drive away Amphitryon, on his arrival just now, by some means or other, from the house. I wish him to be cajoled, while with this borrowed wife I now indulge myself. Please, take care that this is attended to just in such way as you know that I desire, and that you assist me while to myself I am offering sacrifi
ce. Goes into AMPHITRYON’S house.

  Enter MERCURY, running, at the end of the stage.

  MERCURY

  Stand by and make room all of you, get you out of the way. And let not any person now be so presumptuous as to stand before me in the road. For surely, why, by my troth, should I, a God, be any less allowed to threaten the public, if it does not get out of my way, than a slave in Comedies? He is bringing news that the ship is safe, or else the approach of some angry old blade; whereas I am obeying the bidding of Jove, and by his command do I now hie me. For this reason, it is more fitting to get out of the road and to make room for me. My father calls me, I am following him, to his orders so given am I obedient. As it befits a son to be dutiful to his father, just so am I to my father; in his amours I play second fiddle to him, I encourage him, assist him, advise him, rejoice with him. If anything is pleasing to my father, that pleasure is an extremely great one for myself. Is he amorously disposed? He is wise; he does right, inasmuch as he follows his inclination; a thing that all men ought to do, so long as it is done in a proper manner. Now, my father wishes Amphitryon to be cajoled; I’ll take care, Spectators, that he shall be rarely cajoled, while you look on. I’ll place a chaplet on my head, and pretend that I am drunk. And up there pointing to the top of the house will I get; from that spot, at the top of the house, I’ll cleverly drive this person off when he comes hither: I’ll take care that, sober, he shall be drenched. Afterwards, his own servant Sosia will presently be suffering the punishment for it; he’ll be accusing him of doing, this day, the things which I myself have done what’s that to me? It’s proper for me to be obedient to my father; it’s right to be subservient to his pleasure. But see! here is Amphitryon; he’s coming. Now shall he be rarely fooled, if, indeed, to the AUDIENCE you are willing, by listening, to lend your attention. I’ll go in-doors, and assume a garb that more becomes me; then I’ll go up upon the roof, that I may drive him off from hence. Goes into the house, and fastens the door.

  ACT IV.

  Enter AMPHITRYON.

  AMPH.

  to himself . Naucrates, whom I wanted to find, was not on board ship; neither at home nor in the city do I meet with any one that has seen him; for through all the streets have I crawled, the wrestling-rings and the perfumers’ shops, to the market, too, and in the shambles, the school for exercise, and the Forum, the doctors’ shops, the barbers’ shops, and among all the sacred buildings. I’m wearied out with seeking him, and yet I nowhere meet with Naucrates. Now I’ll go home, and from my wife will I continue to make enquiry into this matter, who the person was, by the side of whom she submitted her body to dishonor. For it were better that I was dead, than that I this day should leave this enquiry incomplete. Goes up to the door. But the house is closed. A pretty thing indeed! This is done just like the other things have been done: I’ll knock at the door. Knocks. Open this door; ho there! is there anybody here? Is any one going to open this door?